Question: I have a friend that betrayed me. We work together and she knew I was aiming for securing a project that would guarantee me a promotion. I was out sick for a few days and when I got back in to the office I was told she was handling the project. She never called me and never told me that she was submitting herself for it. I’m so angry I can barely look at her and I have no idea how I am supposed to stay friends with her after this. What should I do?
Answer: I have found that the older I get, the more careful I have to be when assigning someone the title of “friend”. A “friend” is someone who has your best interests at heart. It’s someone that cares about how things will effect you. It’s the person in your life who wants you to succeed and is happy when you do. What you have, is a work buddy. Someone to have lunch with and gossip about your crazy boss with. Her entire role is to fill the hours of your work day with witty comments and maybe join you for a lunch cocktail!
I think about it like a file drawer. The drawer has multiple file folders and each folder represents a different category for why people are in my life. I have “work buddies”, “acquaintances”, “best friends”, “the friend with crazy stories that makes me laugh when i’m down”, “the one who is a networker and is great when it comes to helping me out in business” , “the ride or die that never asks why i need an alibi” 🙂 and YOU should most definitely have “the one i smile at when at work but keep an eye on at all times”.
What you need to do, is realize that throughout your life people will need to be reshuffled. Your folders will empty and fill depending on where people stand in your life. Change happens. People change. Needs change. And therefore relationships change.
I try not to hold on to anger when someone hurts me. I’m not saying I don’t get mad but I’ve learned to let it go. When it comes to your friendship, she showed you where her priorities lie. She is about her business and her own personal success. Step back, and look at it without emotion. Now that you know where she stands, move her into another folder.
Focus on yourself because it seems like you are out of a promotion. That is what should be most important to you! Spend your time figuring out what to do at work to make yourself stand out and shine. Don’t be the pouty chick upset over what you didn’t get. Stand up straighter, know that karma is a bitch, and focus on YOU and YOUR success.
Remember that everyone has a place and as people show you who they are, promote, demote or fire. Leave the anger out of it…it gives you wrinkles anyway 🙂