She Belongs In Another Folder

Question: I have a friend that betrayed me. We work together and she knew I was aiming for securing a project that would guarantee me a promotion. I was out sick for a few days and when I got back in to the office I was told she was handling the project. She never called me and never told me that she was submitting herself for it. I’m so angry I can barely look at her and I have no idea how I am supposed to stay friends with her after this. What should I do?

Answer: I have found that the older I get, the more careful I have to be when assigning someone the title of “friend”. A “friend” is someone who has your best interests at heart. It’s someone that cares about how things will effect you. It’s the person in your life who wants you to succeed and is happy when you do. What you have, is a work buddy. Someone to have lunch with and gossip about your crazy boss with. Her entire role is to fill the hours of your work day with witty comments and maybe join you for a lunch cocktail!

I think about it like a file drawer. The drawer has multiple file folders and each folder represents a different category for why people are in my life. I have “work buddies”, “acquaintances”, “best friends”, “the friend with crazy stories that makes me laugh when i’m down”, “the one who is a networker and is great when it comes to helping me out in business” , “the ride or die that never asks why i need an alibi” 🙂 and YOU should most definitely have “the one i smile at when at work but keep an eye on at all times”.

What you need to do, is realize that throughout your life people will need to be reshuffled. Your folders will empty and fill depending on where people stand in your life. Change happens. People change. Needs change. And therefore relationships change.

I try not to hold on to anger when someone hurts me. I’m not saying I don’t get mad but I’ve learned to let it go. When it comes to your friendship, she showed you where her priorities lie. She is about her business and her own personal success. Step back, and look at it without emotion. Now that you know where she stands, move her into another folder.

Focus on yourself because it seems like you are out of a promotion. That is what should be most important to you! Spend your time figuring out what to do at work to make yourself stand out and shine. Don’t be the pouty chick upset over what you didn’t get. Stand up straighter, know that karma is a bitch, and focus on YOU and YOUR success.

Remember that everyone has a place and as people show you who they are, promote, demote or fire. Leave the anger out of it…it gives you wrinkles anyway 🙂

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He’s Cheated on Everyone Before Me

Question:

I met a guy! He’s 37. He’s sexy and charming and funny. He has a great job and no kids and is looking to settle down. We had a conversation about our past relationships and he admitted he’s cheated on every girlfriend that he’s ever had. He swears it wont happen with me and I want to give him a chance but cheating is a NO- GO with me, what do I do?? He says that he loves being in relationships but that the women in the past just weren’t good at keeping him interested. He says that the sex became routine and he got bored.

Answer:

Here is my disclaimer. Everyone is capable of change. I used to cheat in relationships also, until one day I realized it made me an asshole and I stopped. I also took the time to realize that the cheating stemmed from something different and until I healed the rest of my mess, I was always going to be an asshole.

If this is where your new man is, then give him a chance.

Now here is what I truly feel…

RUN.

I am a believer in the saying, “Words are who you want to be. Actions are who you actually are.” He may WANT to be the type of man who is committed and faithful and happily wrapped up in love, and I’m sure he even believes it when he says it. But his actions say that he has commitment issues and a really wacked out belief that it is the woman’s fault for not keeping him interested!

If he had done the work necessary to understand that cheating is not acceptable, and had come to the realization that at his age it is the fault of both partners, then his explanation of his previous relationships would have been different. An evolved man who had learned from his past would NEVER have told the woman he is trying to impress that his infidelity stemmed from the inability to keep him turned on!

A man who is worthy of you, would have admitted his faults and would have said something to the tune of, “I did cheat and it was the wrong thing to do. But I learned from it and it’s not something I would ever do in my future.”

He is telling you to your face that he hasn’t learned a damn thing. He is also showing you that he doesn’t know what kind of answer a mature woman is looking for. His response is what boys say, not men.

So, what does that tell you? Unless you plan on swinging from the chandelier 7 days a week dressed as a naughty school girl, you are two steps away from winding up just like his other chicks. Don’t have a bad day, don’t have a head-ache and definitely don’t try the same position twice.

I’m exhausted just thinking about it…

Honey, realize your worth. The truth is, even the best can step out. And when you are in love and sharing a life with someone, it is your own business whether you choose to stay or leave. But when you are meeting someone brand new and you have the OPTION to avoid heartache and pain do it. When someone tells you who they are, listen and believe them.

There is someone else out there…

Wait for the person who makes you feel secure and loved. Trust your gut when it alerts you to nonsense.

Having Faith In Your Future

I read a quote the other day that I loved…

“Just because something isn’t happening now, doesn’t mean it never will. It just means it hasn’t happened yet.”

I am a HUGE believer in faith. Faith that I will be okay. Faith that taking chances often means being a little terrified. Faith that with hard work, and the right attitude, I can create any type of life I wish for myself.

There is a time when everyone has looked around at their life and wondered, “How the fuck did I get here?” In this relationship, in this job, in this city…And then, for those who are truly ready to make a change, you actually make the leap! You are tired of being unhappy and unfulfilled so you decide to change the direction in which you’re heading and design the life you want.

It is scary and hard and there are times when you want to give up and settle for what is secure. DON’T.

I have a new and wonderful friend, who began as a client of mine. She was finally ready to take her own leap. To change her life course and usher in some happiness! She did it! And then the fear set in. The “what-ifs” and the “I’m too old for this” and every other awful thing that we tell ourselves to keep us in what is comfortable even if it is wrong. She was so happy and yet so scared that it wouldn’t work out in the end. That her dream of starting her own company should have stayed a dream. That her need to be free was silly and irresponsible.

Well I will tell you what I told her….I watched both of my parents die from Cancer and on their death beds, neither one wished they had clocked in more hours at the office. Neither one spoke of meetings they missed or presentations they could have done better on. They regretted life that had been missed. Opportunities to travel that they didn’t take. Chances to venture out on their own that they ignored because of fear.

Life is so very very short. And there is so much of it to be lived. Take your chance. Change your direction until you’re facing the one that leads you to real happiness. When the fears sets in, give it the finger! Choose YOU always. Choose happiness ALWAYS. Have faith in how beautiful your life could be if you let go of everything that is holding you back. Have faith that it may take time and it may not happen on your time, but it will happen when it should.

Have a great weekend blissed ones!!

 

I’m A Prude But My Man Is Not

Question: I am 32 years old. have been happily dating the same man for 5 years. We both have great jobs, no kids and get to travel together often. I have  zero complaints about our relationship. He has complaints about our sex life. I like sex but it’s never been a big deal to me. He’s been asking me to try all sorts of new things but I don’t know that I want to. Aren’t I a little old to be doing “new things”? I feel like if he loves me, he would respect my boundaries. Help!

Answer: You have been happily in love for years with the same man. You have zero complaints about your relationship. You, my dear are a bit of a unicorn these days so first you should take a step back and reflect on your blessings! What you have is a man who has clearly done what it takes to keep you happy and in love for 5 years which is no small feat. I am sure you’ve had issues along the way, but he’s done the work to prove to you that he deserves more time in your life. Recognize that, bend over and smile 🙂

I am not sure what he is asking you to do. But as long as it doesn’t involve anything that can land you in prison then have fun! Sex is fun ladies!! You can still be the successful, classy respected woman he knows and loves during the day. But when that bedroom (or kitchen, bathroom or closet) door closes happily become the little slut puppy he is asking for!

Two of the biggest reasons relationships fail is lack of sex and lack of communication. Your man is communicating to you that he is becoming bored with your sex life. Most men don’t bother to have that conversation. They become bored and they find someone else to try new things with. Your boyfriend is telling you he wants to try new things WITH YOU. You don’t have lack of finances or children as additional stressors inhibiting your sex life so it’s truly just you.

Hop on the internet. Order some toys, sexy lingerie and maybe even that swing I keep hearing so much about 😉 You may come to find out that you enjoy it. Make your man, and your vagina, happy and RELAX. You’ll thank me later….