When I first started this blog, the questions I received at email@example.com were 100% from women. As this blog and the audience have grown, more and more men are writing in and I am loving it! Keep it coming boys, the better you do the happier we are 🙂
Question: I’m 39 and recently divorced. I was married to my high school sweet heart so I don’t have a lot of experience in the dating world. I work with a woman who has been flirting pretty heavily with me and she recently asked me out and I accepted. It was nice to not have the pressure be on me! We’ve been dating for a few weeks now. She’s 28 and beautiful and she says she really likes me. She loves to be taken out and I’ve bought her a few gifts here and there that I think she would like. The thing is, she’s hard to reach on the weekends. I really only see her right after work. I would like to see her more often but she always says she has plans. Also, I’m noticing that she flirts with a lot of guys at the office. But she’s young so maybe all of this is normal?
Answer: You poor sweet daft man. Welcome to the world of dating and being used. Congratulations to you for venturing back out there. Even the most amicable of divorces are a nightmare so I’m sure jumping back into the dating pool was no easy feat. After you read what I have to say, take a deep breath and remember dating should and is fun! As long as you learn to read the signs…
1) Because you are new to dating perhaps you haven’t been told; don’t shit where you eat. It’s so tempting to date from the office rolodex but it’s not smart. Yes, there is the exception to every rule. You meet over cookies in the office kitchen. Her hand brushes yours and 6 months later you’re picking out color swatches for your new apartment wall. But more often that not, you are the rule not the exception. This means, it will end, and badly. And then the gossip at the water cooler is all about you and the way you cry after sex. (hypothetically speaking) Keep your business about business to maintain the current level of respect you hold there.
2) You are newly divorced and in essence you’re like a baby fawn being released to the wolves. Women can be more scandalous than men and it sounds like you have found a feisty one! It’s not just men that are hunters. A certain kind of woman can smell a vulnerable man from miles away. They can smell how lonely your nights have become. They see DIVORCED written on your forehead and know you’re horny as hell and easily swayed by a pretty smile or at least someone being nice to you and not demanding alimony.
Nobody is ALWAYS busy on Friday or Saturday night. What she is, is too busy for YOU. She has found an older man to take her out for drinks after work and get her drunk enough to see the people she’s really interested in later. You’ve become her appetizer honey. And now you’ve added gifts to these little afternoons out which makes you sweet, but a sucker.
3) When someone WANTS to spend time with you, they make time for you. It’s very simple. When a woman wants a man, we get our hair done. We get our nails done. We buy fancy panties and we shave things we normally do not. We prepare for the possibility that your hand brushes up against something else besides those cookies we mentioned earlier. 🙂 We do not squeeze you in between work and our “real” plans. You become our only plan.
What you must decide is what you are looking for. Are you looking to be serious with someone? If so let your friends know you’re open to meet single friends of theirs. Get on e-harmony.com. Anyone who takes the time to fill out that long ass questionnaire is serious about dating. Find a coffee shop or wine bar near your house and become a regular. Smile in the grocery store, don’t just barrel down the aisles. You never know where you might meet her…
But most importantly look at this time as a time of renewal. Have FUN dating! Think about what didn’t work in your marriage and choose people that aren’t going to replicate that pattern. And for goodness sake STOP buying women gifts that don’t deserve them. Look for a woman that is worthy of your kindness! As for the office chippy…kindly let her know you don’t think it’s smart to date someone you work with and let her go drain the next guy. You’ll be happier and richer for it 🙂