Just A Thought….

I am beginning a new phase of this blog!

So far, I’ve been writing only in response to questions sent to me at
askbliss@yahoo.com. But sometimes, I just want to write for the sake of writing..so Just A Thought was born! Keep sending your questions though, I LOVE reading them.

I read, or heard, a really great quote recently. “You can’t keep living your old life while trying to build your new life.”

How many of you are trying to move forward? Trying to let go of past bad habits, bad men, bad choices? Trying to move towards a life that you’re proud of? One that reflects what you hope the “new” you is.

And yet, how many of you are doing so while still repeating some of the same mistakes from your old life?

Wanting to be more financially stable but ignoring bills in the mail? Starting a new business but still checking the classifieds….And most common, dating a new great guy but texting the idiot that broke your heart.

Moving forward. Starting over. Creating a new life. All of this requires commitment. You can not have one foot in your old life, and one foot in your new life, and expect things to work out in your favor.If you want a different life, you must do different things.

Dedicate yourself, wholeheartedly, to becoming the person you want to be. You’ll be better for it in the end.

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My Mother Is Dying

Question:

My mother was diagnosed with Colon cancer last year and the doctors just told us it’s terminal and she has 6 months to live. I’m 35 years old. I’m a wife. I’m a mother to a 9 year old boy and I’m really terrified. I don’t know how I am supposed to handle all of this. What do I do? How bad is this going to get? Do I keep her home or do I put her into Hospice? Help me please…

Answer:

My mother passed away from Breast Cancer when I was 27 years old. I was her Caregiver and her nurse for 5 years. I wasn’t a mother, and I wasn’t a wife. It was by far the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with and the most emotionally exhaustive roller coaster I have ever been on. I can not even begin to imagine the amount of stress you are facing right now also having to take care of your own family. I am so sorry for what you are going through.

The truth is, life is about to get much much harder. It is going to be bad, because death is always bad. It’s going to be stressful and sad and you’re going to have more than one day when you want to walk out on everybody. But what is even more true, is that you are more capable than you think you are in this moment.

You are not alone in this, though you may feel like you are. What you are is a wife and a mother who probably does everything on your own without asking anyone to pitch in. So is the plight of today’s woman… Begin to ask for help. It is okay to no longer pretend to be Superwoman.

Tell your husband that now is the time for him to be your greatest partner. Make him in charge of making dinner and cleaning the house. Have him get your son to help him. He’s 9, not 4. He can do more than he pretends to know how to do.

Let go of needing things done the “right way”. If your kid eats pizza every day for the next 6 months, he will be okay. Who cares if the laundry isn’t done on Sunday morning like when you would do it. When your husband runs out of underwear he’ll do a load. Let it go…

Let your friends know what is happening. Create a sign up sheet for them to take on things you can no longer handle on your own. Ex: picking up your child from school and taking him to an activity, grocery shopping, taking your dog to the vet. etc…Explain to them how important they are in this. How hard this is for you and how much you need them. People will do more when they feel needed.

After all of this, once you realize that the mundane tasks are being handled for you, bring your mother home to live with you.

It will be heart wrenching. It will mean that you never get a chance to turn Cancer off. It will mean that every day the roles will reverse and your mother will become your child. But it will also be more beautiful than you can imagine if you choose to make it so…

Sit with her. Play her favorite music. Order any food she wants at any time of the day. Watch funny movies together. Kiss her. Ask questions. Take pictures of her. Lay in bed with her and cry… Do what so many people never get to do. Take the next 6 months to lovingly say farewell to the woman who gave you life. Let her pass with dignity, in your home, surrounded by family and love.

It will not be easy… but take it from me. You will look back on those 6 months as the time that proved to you what the bond between a mother and daughter is all about. It will show you how wonderfully strong and human you are. It will forever become the time that validated the incredible job that your mother did raising you. It will force you to become a better mother, a better wife and a better human being overall.

Bring her home and hug her every day that you can….

You can and WILL make it through this. Have faith in your strength and the power of a daughter’s love for her mother….

P.S.If you ever need further support, I have a blog for Caregivers of Cancer patients— http://www.sundariblissforcaregivers.com

He’s So Rude

Question:

I was set up on a blind date recently and it went great! He was attentive and funny and so handsome. On the second date I noticed he spent a lot of time looking over my shoulder at other people and he completely  zoned out during our conversation. But he was a gentleman and the evening went well otherwise. He asked me out for a third date but he spent the ENTIRE time checking his phone and texting people. I might as well have been alone but he asked me out for another date!! Does this guy like me?? What’s going on??

Answer:

I think the better question is do YOU like this guy??? Because if the answer is yes, your bigger problem is your perception of what a good man and a good date is. He made it through ONE date with you before you became old news for him and he’s not even good at hiding it. There could be a number of reasons for why he keeps asking you out when he seems so uninterested.
1) He doesn’t want to seem like a jerk to whomever it is that set you up.
2) He doesn’t cook for himself and just enjoys going out to eat and having company.
3) You keep saying yes even though he barely talks to you, so he figures you’ll sleep with him soon.
4) OR, it’s like that commercial says and he’s using you and your dates to earn Citibank Rewards 🙂

What is obvious however is, like the book reads.. He’s Just Not That Into You

If he was, you wouldn’t have noticed any of this. No one is asking a man to lock eyes with you through every breath he takes. (that would indicate certain mental disorders) but basic social manners are to be expected and delivered!

There are more men out there than you could ever date honey. Don’t settle for the one who makes you feel ignored. Grab your girlfriends and hit the hottest new restaurant in town. Having fun and being happy is the quickest way to attract a man who will work to keep you interested. A free dinner isn’t worth your dignity.

To Anal Or Not To Anal, That Is The Question

Question:

I’ve been dating a guy for a few months now and I think he is FANTASTIC! Great job, no drama, and he treats me wonderfully. Our sex life is really good but lately he’s been doing “the ole reach-around” if you know what I mean! Every time we have sex he makes a move for it. I would like to try it but I’m terrified it’s going to hurt! But I care about him and want to be open to new things. What should I do??

Answer:

I love this question! Because EVERY girl has had this conversation with their friends…”To anal or not to anal.” Honestly, if you are doing it because YOU want to try it and because YOU want to have new experiences then go for it! And by go for it, I mean slowly and with lots of deep breathing 😉

The “back-door” shall we call it is totally subjective. Some women absolutely refuse to have their man attempt it. Most women, who have tried it, say it’s the best orgasm they’ve ever had! I don’t know about you, but the thought of having the best orgasm ever sounds pretty damn good.

Here are a few tips I’ve collected from my own circle of ladies for you 🙂

You are not a porn star. Do not get on all 4’s and just let him go crazy back there. Most of us, especially when new at it, just aren’t built for that. Lay on your side or lay flat. Some ladies actually prefer it on their back.

Inhale. Exhale. Slowly. Repeat! The key is to relax… You may not want hard core rap playing in the background HA! Maybe a little Sade?

This is not the time to start remembering every urban tale you’ve ever been told. The chances of you winding up in the ER, while your mother looks on in horror, are slim to none. Your body will enjoy it if your mind does.

Do be smart. Do NOT let him go from “back” to “front”. Again, this is not a movie, this is your body. Doing that will land you in your nearest pharmacy, prescription in hand, chugging Cranberry juice.

Lastly, sex is supposed to be fun honey! Do not prepare for this like you are being sent into the battlefield. Put on some sexy lingerie. Light candles. Enjoy your man. New experiences make wonderful memories. Especially when you’re with someone who deserves it.

Settling For 20% Of Bullshit

Question:

I met a guy through a friend of mine and he’s married with kids. Somehow I started meeting him for drinks, which turned into sex which has now turned into a relationship. I see him a couple of times a week, the sex is incredible, the dates are exciting and I’m starting to really care about him. But things have gotten complicated. He gets jealous when I’m out and he can’t reach me. He’s talking about getting me a place. He says he’ll pay for everything. I don’t know how I got myself into this but now I don’t know what to do. He says he’s going to leave his wife soon. Do you think he will?

Answer:
No. No I don’t. There are exceptions to every rule but generally, they never leave. Especially not when they have an understanding “girlfriend” on the side to escape to.

Let’s get this next statement out of the way, “You should never entertain someone else’s husband. He does not belong to you. He has a family and if he really wanted out, he would leave and date you openly.”

That being said… it is easier than people think to fall in love with a married man. I liken it to the contestants on shows like The Bachelor. Of COURSE you’re in love. Producers create amazing dates designed to woo women. The two of you are in a beautiful location with no traces of mundane everyday life. And most of the time, you’re intoxicated. The same goes for this “relationship” you’re in. The two of you go on great dates to places his kids aren’t allowed in. There is always a drink in hand. You have incredible sex because you don’t have to worry about cleaning his house or waking up early to wash his clothes before work. And you always have fun with him because the two of you don’t share anything tangible. You have 20% of him and that 20% is always the good part.

He’s angry when he can’t reach you because the reality is, you are the one in control. You are single and can be snatched up by someone viable at any time. He on the other hand is home, hiding in a closet, while his children scream in another room. He wants to lay claim to you like a real boyfriend would but he can’t and he knows it.

DO NOT let him set you up in an apartment. That apartment won’t be yours. That, and you, will belong to him. He will drop by any time he likes. You having the freedom to date other men is over. You and that apartment will be where he goes when he wants time away from his wife. Your dates will end because now he’ll expect you to cook for him when he comes over. To sit on his couch. To watch his t.v. in HIS home. And a lllll that fun you were having will become a distant memory as you become just as “boring” as he claims his wife is. Not to mention that this apartment will come with holidays spent alone because Christmas morning is reserved for his real family.

Realize that you are better than this. That you deserve better than him. You deserve a man who is available and able to be yours only. You deserve real, authentic love. Don’t settle for 20% of bullshit. Wait for 100% of the real thing.