We Were Good, Until Christmas Happened

Question:

I met a man this past summer. He’s 37 like me and is everything I have ever looked for in a man. He treats me like a princess and we have a great time together! Though, “time” is why I’m writing to you. He works as a police officer and so his schedule is crazy and it means us spending time together at odd hours but I do see him almost every day at some point. But this past Christmas and New Years, something seemed off. He completely fell off the radar. I didn’t hear from him on Christmas until 2:00 in the afternoon and it was a 5 second phone call. I would call and his phone would go to voicemail. He had my gifts sent by UPS and there was no return address, and the truth is I’ve never been to his home. I saw him the day after briefly and he was pretty vague about how he spent his day. On New Year’s Eve, he didn’t call me at all. Of course I confronted him about it and he says it was just work and I’m being paranoid but my gut tells me he’s lying. I don’t want to look crazy and keep pushing it and risk losing him but what do I do??

Answer:

Ummmm you realize this man is married, or at least in another relationship, and you move on. That’s a start. I date a police officer and so I sympathize with you when it comes to the schedule they keep. Being with a cop means you give up the idea of having dates at normal hours. It requires you to be understanding and easygoing but it does not require you to be stupid.

First off, you’ve been dating this man since the summer and you’ve never been to his home? That alone is a HUGE red flag! I can’t even imagine what excuse he’s given you but whatever it was, it was ridiculous.

This is a new relationship and your first holiday season together. If work was simply what kept him away, a man that was invested in you would have gone out of his way to make sure you felt comfortable in his absence. He would have called you on Christmas before 2:00 in the afternoon. He didn’t call you until the afternoon because he was spending the day with her and, most likely, their family. If he was planning on seeing you the day after Christmas why did he have your gifts sent to you? Because he wasn’t sure when he was going to be able to see you. He knew, his other chick, the one who is usually too busy to notice when he sneaks off to see you, was going to be around and up under him asking questions.

He certainly would not have blown off New Years Eve. Even the busiest of men can manage a “Happy New Years” text. He didn’t call because he couldn’t. Because his woman would wonder who he felt he had to contact so urgently as the ball dropped.

Honey, what’s happened here is this holiday season you found out you were a side chick. That feeling in your gut telling you something is amiss? Don’t ignore that. Don’t try to make light of allllll of the signs pointing to HE IS NOT SINGLE. You don’t have to take my word for it. Tell him your home is being fumigated and you need to stay with him for a few days. Then watch as he sinks himself. Watch and then walk away.

This is painful and humiliating and I am sorry for anyone who ever has to deal with a man like him. There is no guarantee that people we care about won’t hurt us. But there is absolute assurance that by respecting yourself enough to leave him you are opening the door for the right man to walk in. Have faith in yourself and what the universe has waiting for you. And have faith that Karma has something waiting for him 🙂

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