I’ve been dating a man for about a year now. He is the father of a 13 month old baby. He recently came to my place to do his laundry. I was standing next to him talking as he moved his clothes from the washer to the dryer and a pair of women’s underwear fell out. They weren’t mine. He told me that his baby’s mama was staying with him and she must be using the same laundry basket. Except, only her underwear were there! And they were tiny and glittery. When I got upset, he told me I was being ridiculous and that she was always going to be a part of his life and I should get over it. I feel stupid even writing this….What should I do? I don’t believe him.
You’re NOT stupid for writing that…but don’t get stuck on stupid by staying with his lying ass.
1) Where were the rest of the clothes this woman had on? Why were only her underwear in his laundry? And why only one pair? Where were the baby’s clothes? If it was as simple as her sharing a laundry basket there would be other items of clothing. Not to mention that not many mothers of tiny babies are walking around wearing tiny glittery thongs. It doesn’t sound like the everyday Thursday drawers to me…
2) You were unaware that she was staying with him?? Ummmm what?? Yes, she will always be in his life and yes you will always have to deal with her if you deal with him. But where is his respect for YOU? You’ve been dating him for a year and he didn’t think you deserved a conversation about what was happening in his life and in his home? Was he even planning on telling you? It certainly doesn’t seem like it…
3) A man. A good man, who had your best interests at heart, would never have turned that situation into an argument. He may have been defensive, because he was caught red- handed , but he would have immediately realized what that looked like and what that must have felt like for you and he would have apologized. And not JUST apologized, he would have been extremely concerned about what this would mean for the two of you and even a little upset at her for not respecting boundaries.
Take off your love glasses honey…Imagine a friend telling you this story. What would you be thinking? You’d be thinking what I’m thinking. This man, is still messing with this woman. And now she’s living with him. They haven’t ended their relationship yet. Though they might take breaks, and he might even swear they’re done, they’re not. Her panties are in his laundry because she is his woman. He might really care about you but he doesn’t respect you. And when he was caught he turned it around to make you feel dumb to take the heat off of him. Let him go.
Anytime your relationship could pass for a storyline on a ratchet talk show, it’s time to go.
Clearly they are trying to figure out how to make their family work. Let them.
Open yourself up to the the possibilities of a man who is honest and loyal. You deserve that.
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