You Can’t Put A Crown On A Clown And Expect A King

Question:

I met my boyfriend years ago and I fell in love with him instantly. I had recently lost my father and he stepped right in. He was loving and protective and always up for a good time. He reminded me a lot of how happy my father always was and I was looking forward to spending my life with him. But now things have changed… He’s still ALWAYS up for a good time because a good time is all he’s ever having. He’s smoking weed all the time, he’s in a club every weekend. His boys are always over our house. His temper that I once found sexy is now overwhelming. The constant fighting about his inappropriate relationships with women have gotten old. And what I thought was protective was really just codependence. He just doesn’t seem to want to let me go. I’ve basically worshipped this man for years. He’s been my family, but I think I need to walk away from this.

Answer:

I have a saying that I try my best to live by…. be careful who you develop relationships with during the down cycle of your life. Those people are usually drawn to the vibration you are emitting because they emit the same.

What does that mean? When you are a mess you will attract messes. And when you are healed, those relationships will inevitably end. They’re not meant to continue on your journey. They were meant to simply distract you momentarily from your pain.

I met a man right after my mother died. He was handsome and charming and funny and, along with enough pot to put down a small horse, he kept me happily distracted and numb for years. I idolized him and he became my family. He was everything to me. It was when the fog of grief began to lift that the rose colored glasses I viewed him through began to fade as well. I was changing. I was growing. I was returning, not just to who I was before she died, but I was evolving into a stronger and more capable version of myself. I tried to leave him many times. But his partying masked his own weaknesses and he craved my strength. He couldn’t let me go because he didn’t want to be left with himself.

I realized something, once my gut feeling about him was met with the truth of just how messy he was; you can’t put a crown on a clown and make him a king. You needed his mess. You needed someone who needed you. You needed passion and love and pain because you needed to feel something. You needed the drama to distract you from real life. The two of you wrote and starred in your own dramatic play together but the final curtain has been called honey.

Walk away. Let him be who he is. But let him be it without you. Your father didn’t pass so you could wind up with a man who doesn’t value you. Tragedies like yours happen for a reason. Make your reason, that it taught you your worth. Save that crown for the man who deserves to wear it…

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I Have Zero Interest In Being A Wife Or A Mother

Question:

I am 34 years old and happily single. I have a good job and a beautiful apartment. I have wonderful friends and the ability to travel as often as I want. I am loving my life! And yet everyone around me keeps asking, “When are you finally going to settle down?” “Don’t you want to have babies?” I’m tired of the questions. I’m tired of the look on people’s faces when I tell them I have no plans for any of it. Am I wrong? What do I do to get people to back off?

Answer:

The only thing you need to do honey is stop giving a shit about what other people have to say.

I applaud you for being honest and clear about what you want for your life! (insert loud claps here 🙂 ) I wish more people were like you. I know PLENTY of people who are married and very unhappy. Women, and men, who got married because it’s what they thought they SHOULD do. It’s what their parents, their friends and what society told them was the only next option. I think we all know parents that shouldn’t be. Parents who have not yet figured out that a sacrifice must be made when you decide to become one. Parents that love their children but wish they had waited. Waited to see what life had to offer first…

These people all have something in common; none of them believed that THEY were in control. None of them believed that they could dare to be different. Dare to venture out on their own and decide for themselves what their life should look like.

There is a path for everyone. And marriage and parenthood is a beautiful one if entered into it with the desire to do so. There is absolutely nothing wrong with choosing another path. The one that leads you to see the world, and culture and to be able to do so without having to worry about anyone but those who you choose to allow in.

You are HAPPY. Do you know how rare that is? Do you know how many billions of dollars are spent on therapy and medications so that people can achieve what you’ve managed to do naturally? Revel in it. Luxuriate in it. And the next time you get one of those horrified looks, just remember that look is more about their own ignorance than your choice.

Enjoy your life honey. You only get one.

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