I met my boyfriend years ago and I fell in love with him instantly. I had recently lost my father and he stepped right in. He was loving and protective and always up for a good time. He reminded me a lot of how happy my father always was and I was looking forward to spending my life with him. But now things have changed… He’s still ALWAYS up for a good time because a good time is all he’s ever having. He’s smoking weed all the time, he’s in a club every weekend. His boys are always over our house. His temper that I once found sexy is now overwhelming. The constant fighting about his inappropriate relationships with women have gotten old. And what I thought was protective was really just codependence. He just doesn’t seem to want to let me go. I’ve basically worshipped this man for years. He’s been my family, but I think I need to walk away from this.
I have a saying that I try my best to live by…. be careful who you develop relationships with during the down cycle of your life. Those people are usually drawn to the vibration you are emitting because they emit the same.
What does that mean? When you are a mess you will attract messes. And when you are healed, those relationships will inevitably end. They’re not meant to continue on your journey. They were meant to simply distract you momentarily from your pain.
I met a man right after my mother died. He was handsome and charming and funny and, along with enough pot to put down a small horse, he kept me happily distracted and numb for years. I idolized him and he became my family. He was everything to me. It was when the fog of grief began to lift that the rose colored glasses I viewed him through began to fade as well. I was changing. I was growing. I was returning, not just to who I was before she died, but I was evolving into a stronger and more capable version of myself. I tried to leave him many times. But his partying masked his own weaknesses and he craved my strength. He couldn’t let me go because he didn’t want to be left with himself.
I realized something, once my gut feeling about him was met with the truth of just how messy he was; you can’t put a crown on a clown and make him a king. You needed his mess. You needed someone who needed you. You needed passion and love and pain because you needed to feel something. You needed the drama to distract you from real life. The two of you wrote and starred in your own dramatic play together but the final curtain has been called honey.
Walk away. Let him be who he is. But let him be it without you. Your father didn’t pass so you could wind up with a man who doesn’t value you. Tragedies like yours happen for a reason. Make your reason, that it taught you your worth. Save that crown for the man who deserves to wear it…