Question: I have this guy that I am interested in, however I’m a bit hesitant because of past relationship traumas and I think my insecurities scared him away. When he expressed his interest in me, I tried to play like, “there are so many women out there, why me?” And his reply was, “Maybe I like you more than you do. Or I see value that has been previously neglected.” Personally, that sounds good…but for me it has always ended up with men trying to have sex with me too soon and then it turns sour.
He works a job where he is busy most of the time and can’t always text. I am a person who loves to text. All day if we can. I also like to send/receive good morning messages and such. He did that every now and then, but the issue came in when I felt like I was being ignored. I would send a, “hope your day is going well…” text and sometimes get no reply but I would see that he was on Facebook.
Eventually it pissed me off so much that I confronted him, and kind of aggressively… He gave me a vague answer back and then all conversation stopped.
What should I do? Please help me. I think I may have messed up, especially with a good man.
P.s. give it to me real.
Answer: Oh honey…. you did what a lot of people do. You let your past get in the way of your present.
You have a history of dating men who seem nice in the beginning and then inevitably screw it up by trying to sleep with you too early and care for you too little. It’s HARD to wipe the slate clean every time you meet someone new. Believe me, I have caught my own 36 year old self cursing a man out for what some moron in my 20’s did. You’re human. It happens.
The problem is, that not every man feels like being the clean up crew for your mess. Your relationship mess is for YOU to clean up, work on and heal before he comes in. Easier said than done, but that is the goal.
As for the Facebook stalking, again we allllll do it. Social media makes it way too easy to find someone, who hasn’t answered your text, liking a post online. Here’s the thing, just because you can see it doesn’t make it your business.
You two were brand new. He doesn’t owe you his free time. Maybe he’s had a bad day, maybe he’s tired or maybe he would just rather watch videos of Donald Trump making an ass out of himself than talk on the phone. He’s a grown man and he’s allowed to do that.
Observe. Watch. Sit back and play it cool and see if what you don’t like is a pattern or a moment. Moments are allowed. If it’s a pattern, and it’s not one you want to deal with, then you approach. And preferably with honey, not vinegar 🙂 Keep it classy…
The bigger issue here it what you correctly pointed out in the beginning. You’re insecure. You have allowed the idiots from your past to convince you that you’re only worth the sex they’re looking for. You don’t believe that you’re good enough. And there is nothing less attractive than a woman who doubts her worth.
You ARE enough. You ARE worth time and effort and love. Every man isn’t capable of giving you that. And that is their issue not yours.
Before you date someone else, date yourself. Love yourself a little more and watch the people you attract begin to reflect the way you care for yourself.
Chalk this guy up to “Lesson Learned.” Believe me, what the Universe has in store for you, you won’t have to chase anyway.