Question: I have this guy that I am interested in, however I’m a bit hesitant because of past relationship traumas and I think my insecurities scared him away. When he expressed his interest in me, I tried to play like,  “there are so many women out there, why me?”  And his reply was, “Maybe I like you more than you do. Or I see value that has been previously neglected.” Personally, that sounds good…but for me it has always ended up with men trying to have sex with me too soon and then it turns sour.

 He works a job where he is busy most of the time and can’t always text. I am a person who loves to text. All day if we can. I also like to send/receive good morning messages and such. He did that every now and then, but the issue came in when I felt like I was being ignored. I would send a, “hope your day is going well…” text and sometimes get no reply but I would see that he was on Facebook.

Eventually it pissed me off so much that I confronted him, and kind of aggressively… He gave me a vague answer back and then all conversation stopped.

What should I do? Please help me. I think I may have messed up, especially with a good man.

P.s. give it to me real.

Answer: Oh honey…. you did what a lot of people do. You let your past get in the way of your present.

You have a history of dating men who seem nice in the beginning and then inevitably screw it up by trying to sleep with you too early and care for you too little. It’s HARD to wipe the slate clean every time you meet someone new. Believe me, I have caught my own 36 year old self cursing a man out for what some moron in my 20’s did. You’re human. It happens.

The problem is, that not every man feels like being the clean up crew for your mess. Your relationship mess is for YOU to clean up, work on and heal before he comes in. Easier said than done, but that is the goal.

As for the Facebook stalking, again we allllll do it. Social media makes it way too easy to find someone, who hasn’t answered your text, liking a post online. Here’s the thing, just because you can see it doesn’t make it your business.

You two were brand new. He doesn’t owe you his free time. Maybe he’s had a bad day, maybe he’s tired or maybe he would just rather watch videos of Donald Trump making an ass out of himself than talk on the phone. He’s a grown man and he’s allowed to do that.

Observe. Watch. Sit back and play it cool and see if what you don’t like is a pattern or a moment. Moments are allowed. If it’s a pattern, and it’s not one you want to deal with, then you approach. And preferably with honey, not vinegar 🙂 Keep it classy…

The bigger issue here it what you correctly pointed out in the beginning. You’re insecure. You have allowed the idiots from your past to convince you that you’re only worth the sex they’re looking for. You don’t believe that you’re good enough. And there is nothing less attractive than a woman who doubts her worth.

You ARE enough. You ARE worth time and effort and love. Every man isn’t capable of giving you that. And that is their issue not yours.

Before you date someone else, date yourself. Love yourself a little more and watch the people you attract begin to reflect the way you care for yourself.

Chalk this guy up to “Lesson Learned.” Believe me, what the Universe has in store for you, you won’t have to chase anyway.

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4 thoughts on “I Think I Fucked It Up

    1. I think you f*cked it up for other women, not yourself. Many women (and men, but that’s a WHOLE NOTHER TOPIC! Lol) say what they want, but in actuality go for what’s in front of them. That’s called a”need.” The “need” to love, “need” to be loved and never alone and/or lonely. So, “in the meantime” will do. Unfortunately, what you want, what you really-really want will be overlooked by “in the meantime.” Thus, a sour taste in your mouth or guarding of your heart you now call the past.
      If what you want, what you really-really want is daily texting attention, then go get it. You know what you want and, frankly he’s not it. You needed to kick him to the curb…and keep it movin’!

  1. Well the previous Goddess’s response was on point. I will only add this;one who is this guy cuz it sound oh too much like my man LOL. But seriously us as humans tend to think that people should be the way we expect them to be. Expectations are only a setup for disappointments. Yes,you are insecure and you are not restored if you are polluting your relationships with past lessons. And trust me you must be in tune with your intuition,connected to the universe to realize and understand that they are lessons. Take what you learn from them and apply it to make you better and treat any new relationships diff and better to receive a diff and better outcome and/or response. Stop over analyzing everything because you could be making something out of nothing. Your reaction to and perception of him is an awareness of yourself. I will admit that when you are all excited about texting your boo and it takes them hours or even a half hour too long to respond you lose the excitement and become “over” it so quick.lol.But again what we must understand is that yes he has his own life and lived it without regard to a female or consideration of that aspect before you came along. At this point you look at yourself and say,if I have time to clock him not texting I need to find a more productive hobby,date yourself I agree I told you that on Wearyourpurple,or perhaps try picking up the phone and calling and having a more personal connection. Also, just simply express what he is doing that bothers you,and his reaction is his problem but if he is not aware that it’s an issue,that’s your problem. I also agree that you have to define what you will and will not accept and deal with,little or big things,and let that govern your actions accordingly. Once you can honestly and wholeheartedly understand yourself,what you like,deserve, YES watch how you attract it just by doing and speaking it into existence. Carry yourself as a Queen and you will attract a King!!!
    1 Love,
    Pearl

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