Question: I met a guy recently at a bar while out with friends. He was handsome and funny and we clicked instantly. He was so attentive. It turned out that we lived a few hours from each other but it never felt like that. He called every morning and we talked on his lunch break and every night on his way home. I fell in love and, very quickly he was talking to me about marriage and children. We even picked names for the babies we would have. Fast forward 3 months, and some gut feelings that turned me into an FBI agent, and it turns out he’s married, has 4 kids, and one of the names for “our” babies is the name of a child he already has whose a 13 year old TWIN. I’m devastated and heartbroken. I’m not really sure what to do now. How do you just walk away from a man you loved??? What did I do wrong?
Answer: Oh honey… You don’t walk. You RUN. Like Usain Bolt 100m dash run. Like trying to beat that feisty chick in line at a Gucci Sample Sale. You run like your life depends on it. Because it does.
Every once in a while, the single woman finds what she had thought to be an Urban legend. The man that appears to be the answer to all your future plans. He wants everything you want and is ready and willing and handsome and sexy and HOLY SHIT he calls and says I love you, without being coerced, and has no other children OR ex-wives. When it happens it’s like finding a Unicorn! He makes you feel like, “THIS is why it’s never worked out with anyone else. ” THIS is why I’ve refused to settle.” Right?!?
Nope. Turns out he’s Satan and he’s zeroed in on you. YOU didn’t do anything wrong girl. Do you know how crazy you have to be to name a child with a woman, when you are already a father to a child with that name? Do you know how disturbed your mind has to be to talk about imminent marriage with a woman when you’re already married?
He’s either really unhappy in his marriage and was hoping he could slide from one situation to the next before you found out. Or he’s bored and has no plans of leaving her, but was hoping you’d fall in love and he’d have an outlet in you. Who cares why he did it?? He did it! And he continued, day in and day out, to lie to your face so that he could trick you into falling in love with a life that doesn’t exist.
You’re not in love with him. You’re in love with the version of who he presented himself to be. Who he IS is a man whose married. With 4 children, including a set of twins. Even if he has the best of intentions and he divorced her tomorrow, she will hate you forever. Trust that. She will tell those teenage kids of his that you ripped apart their family and they will never forgive you. Believe that. Because of the way he would have left, she’s going to take him for everything! Do you know how expensive 4 kids and a wife and a home are to maintain? Is he a millionaire? Because thats the only way you’re going to live comfortably while he takes care of them.
He’s clearly unhappy. Let that be his own journey. You didn’t wait this long for true love to settle for a man who tricked you into loving him. That makes him crazy but it also makes you desperate. Do better than that! You deserve better than that!
RUN. Be proud of yourself that your intuition game is strong and your gut is on point! Be grateful that you weren’t pregnant or living with him when you found out about his shady ass. And be CONFIDENT that you are not destined for a lifetime with a man who lies and deceives. You have blessings on their way to you. Stay open. Bad things happen. Let it go…Believe me, Karma is a bitch. And it’s coming for him….